Looking to add some festive laughs to your holiday season? These Christmas quotes funny collections are perfect for cards, captions, and gatherings where a good chuckle is just as important as the eggnog.
If you want something short, merry, cute, or themed around classics like the Grinch or Charlie Brown, this list brings joy, wit, and humor straight to your sleigh.
We’ve even included quotes for family, dog lovers, and fans of famous holiday lines. Get ready to jingle all the way with a smile!
Short Christmas Quotes Funny
🎄 Santa’s favorite ho is me
🎁 Sleigh my name, sleigh my name
⛄ Resting Grinch face activated
🧣 All the jingle ladies
🍪 Dear Santa, I can explain
🛷 Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle
🎅 Believe in your elf
🎉 Dashing through the no
🎄 Tree’s up, sanity’s down
📦 I’m only a morning person on Christmas
🎁 I told Santa you were good…ish
🎅 The tree isn’t the only thing getting lit
🧦 Stockings full of sass
🧊 It’s snow joke how cold it is
🥂 Eat, drink, and be merry (mostly drink)
Merry Christmas Quotes Funny
🎅 Merry Christmas! Let’s drink until we don’t remember whose family we’re in
🎄 Have yourself a merry little meltdown
🧦 Keep calm and jingle on
🎁 Merry Christmas… now where’s my present?
⛄ Let’s hope Santa isn’t checking Instagram
🛷 Fa la la la forget it
🎄 Christmas calories don’t count
🍪 I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red
🎅 Santa saw your browser history
🧣 Merry Christmas! May your Wi-Fi be strong and your in-laws weak
📦 I wrapped this myself… you can tell
🎄 All I want for Christmas is naps
🥂 It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas
🎁 Reindeer games are just holiday drama
⛄ Eat the cookies. Regret nothing.
Cute Christmas Quotes Funny
🧸 Sleigh my heart
🎄 You had me at ho ho ho
🎅 I’m snow in love
🧦 Love at frost sight
🐾 You make my tinsel tingle
🎁 Our love is snow joke
🎉 Kissing under the WiFi because mistletoe is outdated
🎄 You’re my favorite Christmas miracle
🐧 We’re a perfect matcha like cocoa and marshmallows
☕ Baby it’s cold outside… bring cocoa
🧸 Love you more than Santa loves cookies
🎅 Ho ho hopefully, you’ll kiss me
🧦 You sleigh me
⛄ Cute, cozy, and Christmasy
🎁 You make me feel all jingly inside
Best Christmas Quotes Funny
🎄 The best way to spread Christmas cheer is laughing loud for all to hear
🎅 Santa’s not the only one coming to town… I ordered pizza
🧦 If only my bank account grew as fast as my Christmas list
🎁 Be naughty, save Santa the trip
🎉 Tinsel makes everything better—even family dinners
⛄ Christmas is a magical time… for wine
🛷 Don’t blame the holidays, you were this weird all year
🍪 I’m 100% that Christmas elf
🎄 Yule be sorry
🥂 Santa’s little helper… at the bar
🎅 He sees you when you’re eating
🧦 Rockin’ around the snack table
🎁 Making spirits bright (mostly with rum)
🎄 Official tree decorator since forever
🧊 Chill, it’s Christmas
Family Christmas Quotes Funny
🎄 Family: the gift that keeps on giving… headaches
🧦 Who needs Santa when you have siblings like mine
🎅 Mom’s Christmas list is just chores
🎁 Dad’s idea of wrapping is duct tape
🎉 We put the “fun” in dysfunctional
⛄ I told grandma we’re doing Elf on the Shelf—now she won’t sit down
🧣 Family photos: proof that we survive together
🎄 The tree isn’t the only thing that needs therapy
🎁 Our family doesn’t do silent nights
🛷 No one jingles your nerves like family
🎅 Santa, take my family… please
🧦 Christmas with family: 90% food, 10% passive-aggressive comments
🍪 Everyone brings cookies, no one brings peace
🎉 We are the reason for the wine
🎄 At least we’re not boring
Dog Christmas Quotes Funny
🐶 Santa paws is coming to town
🎄 Bark the herald angels sing
🦴 The tree isn’t safe this year
🐾 Paws and reflect on how cute I am
🎅 My dog’s only gift is more me
🧦 Furry and festive
🎁 I woof you a merry Christmas
🐾 Santa left treats, I left pee
🦴 Chew on Earth and good bone to all
🐶 Jingle bell barks
🎄 Yappy Holidays
🎁 Tis the season to be shedding
🧦 Unleash the holiday spirit
🐾 The dog ate my Christmas homework
🎅 Pug life, holiday edition
Famous Christmas Quotes Funny
🎄 “Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.” – Charles M. Schulz
🎅 “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson
🧦 “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” – Bernard Manning
🎁 “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
🎉 “Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying Buy Buy.” – Robert Paul
⛄ “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge
🧣 “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin
🎄 “That’s what Christmas memories are made from, they’re not planned, they’re not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry.” – Pamela Brown
🎅 “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres
🧦 “I stopped believing in Santa when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
🎁 “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson
🎉 “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” – Melanie White
⛄ “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor
🧣 “I get a little behind during Lent, but it’s nothing like Christmas!” – Frank McKinney Hubbard
🎅 “One can never have enough socks.” – Albus Dumbledore (J.K. Rowling)
Grinch Christmas Quotes Funny
💚 I’m booked for December—grinch mode
🎄 99% Grinch, 1% spirit
🎁 I wouldn’t touch Christmas with a 39-and-a-half-foot pole
🎅 Max, fetch my hate for the season
💚 I’m not a Grinch, people are just exhausting
🎄 Hate, hate, hate… double hate… LOATHE entirely
🎁 I’m just here for the roast beast
🧦 My resting Grinch face is permanent
💚 Stole Christmas, still no regrets
🎅 It’s not me, it’s the Whos
🎄 I put the mean in green
🧣 This heart ain’t growing
🎁 Don’t test my Grinch limit
💚 Every Who down in Whoville still gets on my nerves
🎅 Three sizes too small and proud
Charlie Brown Christmas Quotes Funny
🎄 Isn’t there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?
🎅 I never thought it was such a bad little tree
🧦 My anxieties have anxieties
🎁 Charlie Brown, you’re the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem
🎄 Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it’s getting too dangerous
🎅 I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?
🧦 I just don’t understand Christmas, I guess
🎁 All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share
🎄 We’ve got shepherds, wise men, and animals—can’t go wrong
🎅 Snoopy’s house has more decorations than mine
🧣 I think there must be something wrong with me
🎁 Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren’t a holiday season
🎄 Good grief!
🎅 This little tree needs a little love
🧦 Happiness is anyone and anything at all that’s loved by you
Conclusion
Christmas is all about joy, laughter, and memorable moments—and what better way to capture that than with funny Christmas quotes?
From short and snappy quips to beloved Grinch and Charlie Brown lines, these quotes can warm hearts, spark smiles, and make even the most stressed-out elf crack a grin. Use them for your cards, parties, social media, or just to giggle over hot cocoa.
May your holidays be merry, bright, and full of laughter!
